Love on Reality TV Shows

I will use The Real World Las Vegas as my example for how love can be portrayed in reality TV shows. Real World is on Wednesday nights, and I happen to love it. However, the way love is represented is extremely skewed.

The people on Real World came to Las Vegas to be single. When Nany gets there, she is the only girl with a boyfriend. She plans on staying with him, because she has been with him for six years. However, once she gets there she immediately begins to flirt with Adam, a single trouble-maker and completely unrealistic match for her. She loves the fact that he is a player to every girl he meets, and ends up cheating on her boyfriend with him. She ends her relationship of six years to hook up with someone who ends up making her cry and making her miserable.

Why would she do something like that? It seems like people give up dedication for desire every time on these television shows. Do they not think long-term? Do they not think twice about breaking hearts? Or do they just think that breaking off their relationship is what is best for them?

The Commitment Dilemma- Readers, Help!

This is probably one of my favorite blog entries so far. A close friend wrote this for my blog, seeking advice from readers. Comment and let her know what you think!

The commitment dilemma

By Anonymous

                  I can’t remember a Lehigh before him.

                  It all started on a Saturday night last year in March while walking into our dormitory. There was some chit chat (we’d met before), some flirting, but ultimately a beginning. He wanted to come back to my room with me, so I let him. When it progressed too quickly, I told him to leave. And yet, I still wanted to see him again.

                  There were some issues. He had a girlfriend. I was “talking” to someone. But we made it work. He came over a few times before he ultimately felt guilty about cheating on his girlfriend (who I’d suspected was doing the same to him, anyway). I assume that for a while, I saw him more than she did. I’m assuming he just felt guilt and no longer had feelings for her at that point, because it seemed he was distancing himself. And then summer came along.

                  And so did the fall. For the first few months of school, he came over pretty often, but we still hid it from most people (and still do). Our thought is that the more who know, the more complicated it becomes. I think most people would respect that. Besides, it makes it feel like this taboo secret between him and me.

                  It’s been pretty on and off since then, but I’d say more on than off. There are some weeks where I’ve deleted his number, pledging to never go back to it all. Some weeks he becomes an addiction. And some weeks he does the same to me. He won’t call or he’s dying to come over. He’ll say he’s done, but he always comes back.

                  Now there’s the most recent episode of attempting to end it and coming right back.  I invited him out with me. Prior to going out, he told me he didn’t want to hook up anymore. A few hours pass and not only is he back to how things used to be after a night of trying to hold my hand and putting his arm around me, but he wants to sleep over … and he never sleeps over.

                  I’d be the world’s biggest liar if I said feelings weren’t involved. In fact, my feelings are what are keeping me going at this point. We’ve been at it for a year now, and I don’t think I’ve ever had stronger feelings for anyone else. You might think he feels the same based on what you’ve read, but his words read differently from his actions. He won’t commit. He won’t quit, either. It looks like he wants the best of both worlds.

                  So, readers, is it worth sticking by him? Is there a future there? Or maybe I should take the advice of some close friends and search for something better, which anyone and everyone deserve. But you can’t ignore feelings – that’s for sure.

Best Books I've Ever Read, with Romance Intertwined

Reading is something I have always enjoyed. I would love to share here a list of the best books I have read that concern love, relationships, divorce, etc. They all present love in such interesting and contrasting ways. You will absolutely love them!

1. Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert. Gilbert discusses the pain after a divorce, and her search for happiness and self identity in her life.
2. Something Blue, Emily Giffin. This book is the hilarious account of a girl who thinks that looks are everything- she feels her life is perfect and that everything revolves around her. That is, until she loses everything from her fiance to her best friend. Betrayed and broken, Darcy must find happiness for herself for the first time.
3. The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins. This is a Young Adult novel, but as a college student I could not put it down and fell in love with this story. Once you start it, be prepared to put the rest of your responsibilities aside. "Twenty-four are forced to enter. Only the winner survives. In the ruins of a place once known as North America lies the nation of Panem, a shining Capitol surrounded by twelve outlying districts. Each year, the districts are forced by the Capitol to send one boy and one girl between the ages of twelve and eighteen to participate in the Hunger Games, a brutal and terrifying fight to the death - televised for all of Panem to see. Survival is second nature for sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen, who struggles to feed her mother and younger sister by secretly hunting and gathering beyond the fences of District 12. When Katniss steps in to take the place of her sister in the Hunger Games, she knows it may be her death sentence. If she is to survive, she must weigh survival against humanity and life against love. " Intertwined in this story is a love triangle. 
4. The Notebook, Nicholas Sparks. A great summary of this book can be found on the "The Notebook" link. This story is a testament to the power of love through the roadblocks of age, disease, distance and wealth.
5. Love Story, Erich Segal. This is the best book I have ever read. I absolutely love it and would recommend it to anyone, man or woman. It is written from a man's point of view, about how he meets a woman and falls in love in college. The man and woman turn their back on some of their dreams and expectations in order to be together, but life hands them a card they never expected. A short book, will definitely move you. Most definitely a tear-jerker but completely worth it. A timeless love story you will never forget.
6. The Sunflower, Richard Paul Evans. In the midst of personal tragedy, Christine and Paul enjoy a trip in the jungle confronting their deepest fears and figuring out how to love, trust and live again.
7. Twilight Series, Stephenie Meyer. Some love this series, others hate it. I happen to have enjoyed it very much, and love the relationship set up between Edward and Bella. This book tells the tale of a vampire fallen in love with an average girl, and their trek to be together.
8. The Pact, Jodi Piccoult. This book, although it recounts the anguish of two families being ripped apart from one another because of an extreme tragedy, has a love story intertwined. Two couples are friends and neighbors, and when one couple has a boy the other happens to have a girl. The two children grow up together and end up dating. However, when the girl ends up dead at 17 from a gunshot wound to the head, the boy describes a suicide pact the two had together. This is a more emotional read, but it is excellent. Once you start, you cannot put it down!
9. This Lullaby, Sarah Dessen. Main character Remy is raised by a mother who has had five husbands. She is cynical about love and does not believe in the power of relationships until she meets Dexter, a musician. Dessen's books are relatively quick reads and have always been page turners for me.

My Feelings About Love; A Faulty Checklist

When I first thought of love, I thought of a checklist

Mature

smart

well-balanced

perfect

November 22, 2009 I started dating my boyfriend. He is not 6”, not in love with academics, and sometimes clumsy. He loves silly phrases, and video games are one of his favorite pastimes. He has the most extreme personality of anyone I have ever met.

What I realized is that love is all about re-defining the criteria. Although he does not love academics, he is smart. He knows right from wrong, and makes good decisions. Although he can be clumsy, if I was hurt he would have no problem throwing me on his back and carrying me wherever I needed to go. His immaturity makes me laugh every time. And he would stop playing any video game to spend an hour with me. His extremities make him different. They make him unpredictable and fun. He goes above and beyond my criteria in a way that nobody else possibly could. So when I go over my checklist after six months, he meets all of my criteria. And in my eyes, although they are admittedly shielded by love, he is perfect.

This is what love does. It is so powerful that it makes one see every imperfection as another reason their lover is so perfect. Love is also the greatest opportunity to feel perfect, enlightened. It is the ability to see someone in a different light. An emotion of unconditional caring. Love is a risk, a gift that is only given access to after time, sacrifice, and desire.

Being in love is also different from loving or receiving love. To know that a family member or a friend loves me is a good feeling, just as knowing that I love my mom, my dad, my dogs, my school is a warm feeling. But to be in love with a boyfriend is different. 

         Love is such a powerful feeling that millions of artists have the desire to sing songs about it, movie writers write scripts about it, actors perform plays about it, poets rhyme verses about it. But no matter how many books are written, movies are produced, plays are enacted, songs are written, love can never truly be defined. Although people will never stop trying to put words on it, label it with actions or rhythms, it can never truly be found or felt by anything but the true, authentic emotion. What makes love so different? It can mutate. It is different in every relationship. This is the source of love’s power, the reason it makes each person who encounters it feel so special, unique. Because it has never felt exactly that way before for anyone else.

What are the Rules for a Relationship?

    I feel I have a little bit of experience on this topic. I have been dating my boyfriend for two years now, and I know that our relationship dynamic has changed a lot since the beginning. Also, my relationship with my ex-boyfriend had a very different set of rules. 

    I would say that my relationship with my ex-boyfriend almost had no rules other than moral obligations. In the beginning, I got away with a lot because I did not take things so seriously. I found pictures of myself getting a piggyback ride from a boy friend when I was dating my last boyfriend. I found comments that probably weren't so appropriate for someone with a boyfriend to be saying. But at the time, my relationship was not serious and I did not take it that way. I did what I wanted to do without taking his feelings so much into consideration, and I also would not have minded if he did the same to me. 

http://www.dshs.wa.gov/ca/fosterparents/training/images/ru6a.gif

    However, when I got into a more serious relationship with my boyfriend now, the rules completely changed, and I wanted them to. I realized that I would feel hurt if I saw a picture of him giving a random girl a piggyback ride. I probably wouldn't feel comfortable with him making the exact same comments I made to people while with my ex-boyfriend to other girls. So I molded my actions appropriately. 

On one hand, I can drive myself crazy asking myself: would I be upset if I saw him doing this? Would I want to see him doing this exact same thing that I'm doing right now? Being considerate is one thing, but overanalyzing is another. I have figured out that being honorable and considerate is how I should act in my relationship. I treat him the way I feel that I want to be treated without overanalyzing every action. At the same time, I have to live my life. 

Date Parties- Finding a Date

Sororities host date parties every semester in which the girl asks a date to attend with her. I ask a ZTA girl some questions about the struggles of asking someone to a date party.

What is involved in choosing a date for a date party?
Pros and cons. Talk to friends. Be comfortable with the person- you will have to spend the night with them.  Pros would be you are friends with him, you would have a good time with them. Pros are that he has to be sociable so that if I leave to talk to some friends, he will not feel left out or upset. Another pro is that he has to be arm candy. Cons of a person are if they have a girlfriend, if I think they may say no. I have to make sure to ask my date in advance, and I have to make sure that I trust my date to be appropriate.

How did you ask your date? 
First, I asked this kid who has a girlfriend to go with me as a friend. Unfortunately, his fraternity has an activity planned for that night, so I  had to ask someone else. I ironically decided to ask his roommate. The person I asked is a close friend, so I am glad that it worked out like this. He is also friends with my friend's date, so that is a big pro.

Is there another big consideration?
I was afraid to ask someone because I did not want him to think I like him. He already told me he likes me, so I did not want to give him the wrong impression. It is hard to find that balance because I would like to go with him but at the same time I do not want to end up hurting him in the long run.

Is it worth the stress?
We'll find out! I feel bad for guys I didn't realize how hard it is to ask someone to be your date.

Signs He is Going to End the Relationship

For this blog post, I am taking a look at an article in Cosmopolitan magazine about signs that your boyfriend may be about to split with you.

This article raises a few valid points, such that he'll start overloading at work, keeping conversations neutral, boxing you out physically, stop texting, cutting the PDA. I think there are a couple more signs we could add to this list.

For example, if your boyfriend seems to "forget" to do the nice things he always did for you, if he starts keeping conversations short, forgets to call you back, does not respond to nice actions on your part- that could be a sign that he is going to break it off.

But then again, it could also just be that something is upsetting him that you have done. Get down to the root of the problem! Talk to him about it, but don't nag. If he doesn't want to talk about it, bothering him and bothering him to get to the problem and constantly bringing it up is only going to make things worse. It will only make him want to distance himself more.

Also, do not respond to his distance by clinging. That will cause the same reaction on his part. Try to have a frank conversation, and if that does not respond wait until he is ready to come to his senses. Good luck!

Apologies & Attaining Forgiveness

Apologizing isn't the easiest thing to do, and it would be near impossible to have a long term relationship without ever needing to do so. Apologizing can be hard to do because you're in denial that you have anything to apologize for, you don't want to admit it, or you feel your partner never apologizes, so why should you?

I can assure you, that from my personal experience, apologizing usually helps a situation. But it is never that easy. A lot of times an apology is not enough to make up for what you've done, and you feel stuck then. What are you to do? Beg the person for their forgiveness? What is your best option in this situation?

Honestly, I have no idea, and it can be frustrating and upsetting. There are always going to be times when you wish you could take back what happened, and of course you cannot and a person may be extremely hurt by it and unable to let it go. One of the things I can say sometimes helps this is letting the person have some time to cool off, however hard that may be. Don't worsen things by getting frustrated and pressing the issue further.

I am not sure why giving them time works. I think to let them think about things, hopefully get less mad and more forgiving, and possibly make them miss you a tiny bit. But maybe not. Wish I had better advice. Let me know if you do.

How to Keep a Long-Term Relationship Fresh

1. Mix it up. If you're always hanging out in groups, plan a nice night alone. If you find yourselves alone watching movies on the couch every night, throw a party. Go out to a movie. Go for a nice dinner. Change up your routine.

http://randyricecrispy.glogster.com/Ed-calls-a-movie-theatre/

2. Travel back to the days when you wanted to impress your significant other. After a period of time, it can become easy to throw your hair in a ponytail, wear sweats, skip a day between showers, etc. Try dressing up, trying your very hardest to look nice for your boyfriend/girlfriend. They will appreciate the effort.
3. Try new things together. Go on a date to somewhere you have never been before. Or do something thrilling. Go sky diving, visit an amusement park, take a weekend trip to a nearby city.
http://kmg7684.myweb.uga.edu/portfolio/
4. Be thoughtful. Surprise your partner with a tiny gift, such as flowers, a card, or something to show you appreciate them without splurging. Show up at their office with their favorite coffee or donut. 
5. Spend some time apart. If you are together as a couple every night, things can get routine and old, and being together so often can start to get under your skin. Try spending some time alone with your friends if you've waned away from them. Split up your time.
6. Get the blood flowing. Kick a soccer ball around, challenge each other to a tennis match, go for a jog. Keep it not-so-competitive. Get the juices flowing together, as a couple. Doing active things together will help warm up your relationship.

http://touchtresbien.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/soccer-field.jpg

College Hookups, Guest Blogger @jackielyons11

@JackieLyons11

One of my very best friends (and roommate), Alyssa, asked me to write a blog for her this week. She asked me to pick a topic that she couldn't really write anything about: Hook-ups (obviously, because she has been a relationship for over 2 years. Good for you Andrew!)

Although I don't really have too much insight on this, because I was in a 2 year relationship up until 9 months ago, I figured it is something I could say a little bit about since I became single. I know that there are many definitions of the word "hook up" in college, so I am going to define my version of "Hooking up" as kissing.

I'm not going to lie, being single can be really confusing at times, but it can also be fun. The key is to definitely not over do it (kiss every person you come across), and to have realistic expectations of people (don't get carried away and think you have something that you don't). Guys in college typically aren't looking for a long-term commitment, which is fine - you just have to be aware of that before you start anything with anyone and know what you, and the other person, actually want. Having only kissed 3 people in the past 9 months, I am not an expert. But some things I have picked up on from my experiences and experiences of my friends after kissing someone:

1. Don't be awkward when you see them again: Even if it was a random thing, you should still have a short conversation with them if you see them around, or at least say hi. It's only awkward if you make it that way! If you act like a total weirdo and dive into a bush when you see them, that just makes them feel uncomfortable. And campuses are small, you're bound to run in to them again.

2. Don't be annoying: Before you hook up with someone, you should know what you are expecting and what he is expecting. If you want a relationship, but he makes it clear he doesn't - don't be a psycho and text him or call him every day. If after you hook up, he turns out to like you - then chances are he will let you know it, or at least make an effort to hang out with you again. So if you're not sure - then don't kiss him in the first place! If there's one thing I know about guys, it's that most of them really hate girls who are clingy.

3. Don't do it right away, be selective. Really, no matter how much you want to - hooking up with random people all the time is NOT attractive and just makes you look bad. I am really glad that I choose to be this way. Trust me, you will feel a lot better in the morning if you don't just do it with random people at parties. So, think about things before you do them - you don't want to wind up regretting something. It's easier to think about it and then go out and do it than it is to do it and then take it back (which is not possible)

Good luck!

Long Distance Relationships: Helpful Links

Hi Everyone! Here are a couple articles I found really interesting that concern long distance relationships and how to maintain them. Hope you enjoy!

1. Health: How stuff works  Tips for making your long distance relationship work out

2. Wiki How  An actual wiki how to make a long distance relationship work. This is actually really interesting and an awesome take! I learned a lot from this one and would highly recommend it

3. iVillage 5 Secrets for Successful Long Distance Dating

4. Loves A Game Ten Rules For Making Long Distance Relationships Work

Lovely Bumper Stickers

Here are some bumper sticker type images I found on http://leloveimage.blogspot.com/, my favorite blog about love. Hope you enjoy!