Is Chivalry Dead?

My Favorite Romance Movies, with Trailers

My Favorite Romance Movies:
1. The Notebook


2. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days


3. 27 Dresses


4. Titanic


5. 10 Things I Hate About You


6. A Walk to Remember


7. Love and Other Drugs


8. Ghost of a Girlfriend's Past


9. The Proposal


10. P.S. I Love You

Define #agoodboyfriend

My Latest Storify Story- I love it! I used the hashtag #agoodboyfriend to see how people on Twitter define "A Good Boyfriend." These definitions/qualities/actions seem pretty accurate to me!

My Pitch- Being in a Relationship

What is the difference between a successful relationship and a mediocre one?

Is it attentiveness, passion, trust, exceptional commitment?

Why be in a relationship at all?

I can tell you what I think.

I think at times my relationship can be extremely successful and at times I can feel mediocre. Being in a two year relationship can definitely be a roller coaster ride. At times I am on cloud 9; the happiest, most excited and in-love woman in the world. And at other times, I am crying on my couch wishing something would give.

            This is the way it works. There are ups and downs, highs and lows. But overall, my relationship is one of the best things to ever happen to me. I feel nothing compares to the security of a phone call when I need to tell someone about my day, having someone to turn to after the death of my dog, a failed exam- whatever it is. I have that safety cushion to land on every time- a dedicated, attentive, kind boyfriend.

            I guess this would be my pitch for having a significant other in college. Although there is definitely something to be said for being worry-free, no strings attached- going out and meeting new members of the opposite sex, flirting, and so forth, I find that nothing compares to having a kind of rock in your life that is your relationship. Someone to keep you from never feeling lonely and lost. Filling that place that no best friend, parent, or fling can fill. 

Abusive Relationship, Story

This is a one-page story I wrote in which I tried to portray the reality of an abusive relationship.

He Always Says

The flowered comforter she bought for college is stained with tears; she can’t believe this is happening again. He yells every time she wears fitted v-neck sweaters, jeans that hug her waist and legs.  She prays no one will take a picture when she wears them; he is more insecure than usual ever since she left for college. That late August afternoon she had her bags packed, she was ready to leave for the start of her freshman year. As she pulled away in her mother’s loaded minivan, she looked back. Tears were running down his cheeks, barely visible from the image in the rearview mirror. She knew she wasn’t strong enough to be without him. Even hundreds of miles away, he would still affect her every decision. She looked back again. She always looked back.

“You’re better than that. Stop being crazy,” he says.

She finds that over time, his rampages change. In the beginning, each time he lashed out over a glance at an old friend, a new phone number added to her contacts list, she was devastated. She felt run down, by a truck going forward, then reversing back for more impact on the second hit. Forward, then reverse. Again and again. Over the past two years, the hurting has changed. It has morphed into a dull pain; it feels as if she took one initial hit to the side, and each scream thereafter has been a punch to the bruise it left.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t trust anyone else,” he says.

This time is different. Her shaking fingers press against the skin of her folded legs, and she leans back against the cold dorm wall. This is it. The constant torment is beginning to tire her; the concerned looks from her roommate across the dorm each night before she goes to bed are exhausting. Hiding her tears, covering her swollen eyes, has become an unending burden.

She breathes deeply in and out, focuses on her family sitting around the new oak dinner table at home, 500 miles away. She can’t imagine the look on their faces if she told them that the boyfriend they had grown to love is so comfortable with reprimanding her, putting her down in his sarcastic, sadistic way.

“You used to be so different and now you’re just like everyone else,” he says.

She knows this isn’t the kind of relationship she has ever wanted. But it’s the one she has. How can she leave something she has put so much energy into? And what if he decides that he will change. If he says for the millionth time that he is going to be different, that all of that yelling was wrong and that he got too caught up in the moment, she should keep him around. He always ends up coming around. But she isn’t sure she wants to wait around for him this time. Does she?

He asks for a second chance. He always asks for a second chance. And this time she isn’t ready to give it. Not yet. When she tells him that it’s over- that she cannot be his girlfriend anymore- he hangs up the phone. She calls him back every minute for the rest of the night. What if she was wrong? What if he was right, that she would never find anyone else? He never picks up. She can never win. He’ll take her back; and she’s lost again.

“We deserve each other,” he always says.

Defining Yourself in a Relationship and by a Relationship

If you do not define your relationship, it will define you. And you cannot, under any circumstance, let that happen in a high school or college relationship.  

You cannot fully let the person you are with define the person you are during the period you are with them. You must stay true to yourself as a person and your own values. Even when in a relationship, you are still your own person.  

For example, when my friend was in school she dated someone who wanted to control her life. He would look through all of her messages, refuse to let her get phone numbers from new friends, get mad when she spoke with her family. He would not let her go out with her friends without him being there. She let him and their relationship set all boundaries for her. 

When they broke up, she had extremely limited people to call. She had missed out on opportunities to meet new people, and she had drifted from her family. Her friends felt they barely knew her anymore, and she had nobody to turn to. She did not know who she was, because she was defined by the very relationship that no longer existed. 

Keep yourself in check while in a relationship. If it helps, set boundaries for yourself that you will not break. Make sure your voice is heard and you are not restricted by your significant other. Although a relationship involves a lot of give and take, you should not have to sacrifice staples in your life to make your significant other happy. 

Listening and Remembering

This is extremely hard for couples, even though it seems that listening and remembering are primitive, easy things to do for the person you love. However, it can be easy to forget and not listen 100 percent, especially in today's society, where multitasking is as common the technology we use to do it.

For example, when my boyfriend told me last week that he was doing community service at a local school, I was really proud of him and excited. However, when he was telling me that on the phone I was finishing the last problem of my homework, mentally checking it off my to-do list, and packing my bag for class. At the end of the day, I forgot to ask him how his service event went. He isn't the kind of person to just bring it up to me. He wanted me to remember, and I didn't until the next week.

Although it seems like this is not a huge deal, when it becomes a habit it is. It also means a lot to someone when you show them that you are truly listening and care about what they are saying. To do that, it's important to actively listen. Take the time to put everything else aside and focus on what your partner is saying. Make a note of what they are doing so that you remember to ask him/her about it.

This is just another one of those little things you can do to improve your relationship and make your partner feel appreciated and cared about.

What are People Tweeting About Relationships?

Below is a story I made with Storify about relationships, using tweets with the #relationships hashtag to demonstrate a trend. 

Love on Reality TV Shows

I will use The Real World Las Vegas as my example for how love can be portrayed in reality TV shows. Real World is on Wednesday nights, and I happen to love it. However, the way love is represented is extremely skewed.

The people on Real World came to Las Vegas to be single. When Nany gets there, she is the only girl with a boyfriend. She plans on staying with him, because she has been with him for six years. However, once she gets there she immediately begins to flirt with Adam, a single trouble-maker and completely unrealistic match for her. She loves the fact that he is a player to every girl he meets, and ends up cheating on her boyfriend with him. She ends her relationship of six years to hook up with someone who ends up making her cry and making her miserable.

Why would she do something like that? It seems like people give up dedication for desire every time on these television shows. Do they not think long-term? Do they not think twice about breaking hearts? Or do they just think that breaking off their relationship is what is best for them?

The Commitment Dilemma- Readers, Help!

This is probably one of my favorite blog entries so far. A close friend wrote this for my blog, seeking advice from readers. Comment and let her know what you think!

The commitment dilemma

By Anonymous

                  I can’t remember a Lehigh before him.

                  It all started on a Saturday night last year in March while walking into our dormitory. There was some chit chat (we’d met before), some flirting, but ultimately a beginning. He wanted to come back to my room with me, so I let him. When it progressed too quickly, I told him to leave. And yet, I still wanted to see him again.

                  There were some issues. He had a girlfriend. I was “talking” to someone. But we made it work. He came over a few times before he ultimately felt guilty about cheating on his girlfriend (who I’d suspected was doing the same to him, anyway). I assume that for a while, I saw him more than she did. I’m assuming he just felt guilt and no longer had feelings for her at that point, because it seemed he was distancing himself. And then summer came along.

                  And so did the fall. For the first few months of school, he came over pretty often, but we still hid it from most people (and still do). Our thought is that the more who know, the more complicated it becomes. I think most people would respect that. Besides, it makes it feel like this taboo secret between him and me.

                  It’s been pretty on and off since then, but I’d say more on than off. There are some weeks where I’ve deleted his number, pledging to never go back to it all. Some weeks he becomes an addiction. And some weeks he does the same to me. He won’t call or he’s dying to come over. He’ll say he’s done, but he always comes back.

                  Now there’s the most recent episode of attempting to end it and coming right back.  I invited him out with me. Prior to going out, he told me he didn’t want to hook up anymore. A few hours pass and not only is he back to how things used to be after a night of trying to hold my hand and putting his arm around me, but he wants to sleep over … and he never sleeps over.

                  I’d be the world’s biggest liar if I said feelings weren’t involved. In fact, my feelings are what are keeping me going at this point. We’ve been at it for a year now, and I don’t think I’ve ever had stronger feelings for anyone else. You might think he feels the same based on what you’ve read, but his words read differently from his actions. He won’t commit. He won’t quit, either. It looks like he wants the best of both worlds.

                  So, readers, is it worth sticking by him? Is there a future there? Or maybe I should take the advice of some close friends and search for something better, which anyone and everyone deserve. But you can’t ignore feelings – that’s for sure.

Best Books I've Ever Read, with Romance Intertwined

Reading is something I have always enjoyed. I would love to share here a list of the best books I have read that concern love, relationships, divorce, etc. They all present love in such interesting and contrasting ways. You will absolutely love them!

1. Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert. Gilbert discusses the pain after a divorce, and her search for happiness and self identity in her life.
2. Something Blue, Emily Giffin. This book is the hilarious account of a girl who thinks that looks are everything- she feels her life is perfect and that everything revolves around her. That is, until she loses everything from her fiance to her best friend. Betrayed and broken, Darcy must find happiness for herself for the first time.
3. The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins. This is a Young Adult novel, but as a college student I could not put it down and fell in love with this story. Once you start it, be prepared to put the rest of your responsibilities aside. "Twenty-four are forced to enter. Only the winner survives. In the ruins of a place once known as North America lies the nation of Panem, a shining Capitol surrounded by twelve outlying districts. Each year, the districts are forced by the Capitol to send one boy and one girl between the ages of twelve and eighteen to participate in the Hunger Games, a brutal and terrifying fight to the death - televised for all of Panem to see. Survival is second nature for sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen, who struggles to feed her mother and younger sister by secretly hunting and gathering beyond the fences of District 12. When Katniss steps in to take the place of her sister in the Hunger Games, she knows it may be her death sentence. If she is to survive, she must weigh survival against humanity and life against love. " Intertwined in this story is a love triangle. 
4. The Notebook, Nicholas Sparks. A great summary of this book can be found on the "The Notebook" link. This story is a testament to the power of love through the roadblocks of age, disease, distance and wealth.
5. Love Story, Erich Segal. This is the best book I have ever read. I absolutely love it and would recommend it to anyone, man or woman. It is written from a man's point of view, about how he meets a woman and falls in love in college. The man and woman turn their back on some of their dreams and expectations in order to be together, but life hands them a card they never expected. A short book, will definitely move you. Most definitely a tear-jerker but completely worth it. A timeless love story you will never forget.
6. The Sunflower, Richard Paul Evans. In the midst of personal tragedy, Christine and Paul enjoy a trip in the jungle confronting their deepest fears and figuring out how to love, trust and live again.
7. Twilight Series, Stephenie Meyer. Some love this series, others hate it. I happen to have enjoyed it very much, and love the relationship set up between Edward and Bella. This book tells the tale of a vampire fallen in love with an average girl, and their trek to be together.
8. The Pact, Jodi Piccoult. This book, although it recounts the anguish of two families being ripped apart from one another because of an extreme tragedy, has a love story intertwined. Two couples are friends and neighbors, and when one couple has a boy the other happens to have a girl. The two children grow up together and end up dating. However, when the girl ends up dead at 17 from a gunshot wound to the head, the boy describes a suicide pact the two had together. This is a more emotional read, but it is excellent. Once you start, you cannot put it down!
9. This Lullaby, Sarah Dessen. Main character Remy is raised by a mother who has had five husbands. She is cynical about love and does not believe in the power of relationships until she meets Dexter, a musician. Dessen's books are relatively quick reads and have always been page turners for me.

My Feelings About Love; A Faulty Checklist

When I first thought of love, I thought of a checklist

Mature

smart

well-balanced

perfect

November 22, 2009 I started dating my boyfriend. He is not 6”, not in love with academics, and sometimes clumsy. He loves silly phrases, and video games are one of his favorite pastimes. He has the most extreme personality of anyone I have ever met.

What I realized is that love is all about re-defining the criteria. Although he does not love academics, he is smart. He knows right from wrong, and makes good decisions. Although he can be clumsy, if I was hurt he would have no problem throwing me on his back and carrying me wherever I needed to go. His immaturity makes me laugh every time. And he would stop playing any video game to spend an hour with me. His extremities make him different. They make him unpredictable and fun. He goes above and beyond my criteria in a way that nobody else possibly could. So when I go over my checklist after six months, he meets all of my criteria. And in my eyes, although they are admittedly shielded by love, he is perfect.

This is what love does. It is so powerful that it makes one see every imperfection as another reason their lover is so perfect. Love is also the greatest opportunity to feel perfect, enlightened. It is the ability to see someone in a different light. An emotion of unconditional caring. Love is a risk, a gift that is only given access to after time, sacrifice, and desire.

Being in love is also different from loving or receiving love. To know that a family member or a friend loves me is a good feeling, just as knowing that I love my mom, my dad, my dogs, my school is a warm feeling. But to be in love with a boyfriend is different. 

         Love is such a powerful feeling that millions of artists have the desire to sing songs about it, movie writers write scripts about it, actors perform plays about it, poets rhyme verses about it. But no matter how many books are written, movies are produced, plays are enacted, songs are written, love can never truly be defined. Although people will never stop trying to put words on it, label it with actions or rhythms, it can never truly be found or felt by anything but the true, authentic emotion. What makes love so different? It can mutate. It is different in every relationship. This is the source of love’s power, the reason it makes each person who encounters it feel so special, unique. Because it has never felt exactly that way before for anyone else.

What are the Rules for a Relationship?

    I feel I have a little bit of experience on this topic. I have been dating my boyfriend for two years now, and I know that our relationship dynamic has changed a lot since the beginning. Also, my relationship with my ex-boyfriend had a very different set of rules. 

    I would say that my relationship with my ex-boyfriend almost had no rules other than moral obligations. In the beginning, I got away with a lot because I did not take things so seriously. I found pictures of myself getting a piggyback ride from a boy friend when I was dating my last boyfriend. I found comments that probably weren't so appropriate for someone with a boyfriend to be saying. But at the time, my relationship was not serious and I did not take it that way. I did what I wanted to do without taking his feelings so much into consideration, and I also would not have minded if he did the same to me. 

http://www.dshs.wa.gov/ca/fosterparents/training/images/ru6a.gif

    However, when I got into a more serious relationship with my boyfriend now, the rules completely changed, and I wanted them to. I realized that I would feel hurt if I saw a picture of him giving a random girl a piggyback ride. I probably wouldn't feel comfortable with him making the exact same comments I made to people while with my ex-boyfriend to other girls. So I molded my actions appropriately. 

On one hand, I can drive myself crazy asking myself: would I be upset if I saw him doing this? Would I want to see him doing this exact same thing that I'm doing right now? Being considerate is one thing, but overanalyzing is another. I have figured out that being honorable and considerate is how I should act in my relationship. I treat him the way I feel that I want to be treated without overanalyzing every action. At the same time, I have to live my life. 

Date Parties- Finding a Date

Sororities host date parties every semester in which the girl asks a date to attend with her. I ask a ZTA girl some questions about the struggles of asking someone to a date party.

What is involved in choosing a date for a date party?
Pros and cons. Talk to friends. Be comfortable with the person- you will have to spend the night with them.  Pros would be you are friends with him, you would have a good time with them. Pros are that he has to be sociable so that if I leave to talk to some friends, he will not feel left out or upset. Another pro is that he has to be arm candy. Cons of a person are if they have a girlfriend, if I think they may say no. I have to make sure to ask my date in advance, and I have to make sure that I trust my date to be appropriate.

How did you ask your date? 
First, I asked this kid who has a girlfriend to go with me as a friend. Unfortunately, his fraternity has an activity planned for that night, so I  had to ask someone else. I ironically decided to ask his roommate. The person I asked is a close friend, so I am glad that it worked out like this. He is also friends with my friend's date, so that is a big pro.

Is there another big consideration?
I was afraid to ask someone because I did not want him to think I like him. He already told me he likes me, so I did not want to give him the wrong impression. It is hard to find that balance because I would like to go with him but at the same time I do not want to end up hurting him in the long run.

Is it worth the stress?
We'll find out! I feel bad for guys I didn't realize how hard it is to ask someone to be your date.

Signs He is Going to End the Relationship

For this blog post, I am taking a look at an article in Cosmopolitan magazine about signs that your boyfriend may be about to split with you.

This article raises a few valid points, such that he'll start overloading at work, keeping conversations neutral, boxing you out physically, stop texting, cutting the PDA. I think there are a couple more signs we could add to this list.

For example, if your boyfriend seems to "forget" to do the nice things he always did for you, if he starts keeping conversations short, forgets to call you back, does not respond to nice actions on your part- that could be a sign that he is going to break it off.

But then again, it could also just be that something is upsetting him that you have done. Get down to the root of the problem! Talk to him about it, but don't nag. If he doesn't want to talk about it, bothering him and bothering him to get to the problem and constantly bringing it up is only going to make things worse. It will only make him want to distance himself more.

Also, do not respond to his distance by clinging. That will cause the same reaction on his part. Try to have a frank conversation, and if that does not respond wait until he is ready to come to his senses. Good luck!

Apologies & Attaining Forgiveness

Apologizing isn't the easiest thing to do, and it would be near impossible to have a long term relationship without ever needing to do so. Apologizing can be hard to do because you're in denial that you have anything to apologize for, you don't want to admit it, or you feel your partner never apologizes, so why should you?

I can assure you, that from my personal experience, apologizing usually helps a situation. But it is never that easy. A lot of times an apology is not enough to make up for what you've done, and you feel stuck then. What are you to do? Beg the person for their forgiveness? What is your best option in this situation?

Honestly, I have no idea, and it can be frustrating and upsetting. There are always going to be times when you wish you could take back what happened, and of course you cannot and a person may be extremely hurt by it and unable to let it go. One of the things I can say sometimes helps this is letting the person have some time to cool off, however hard that may be. Don't worsen things by getting frustrated and pressing the issue further.

I am not sure why giving them time works. I think to let them think about things, hopefully get less mad and more forgiving, and possibly make them miss you a tiny bit. But maybe not. Wish I had better advice. Let me know if you do.

How to Keep a Long-Term Relationship Fresh

1. Mix it up. If you're always hanging out in groups, plan a nice night alone. If you find yourselves alone watching movies on the couch every night, throw a party. Go out to a movie. Go for a nice dinner. Change up your routine.

http://randyricecrispy.glogster.com/Ed-calls-a-movie-theatre/

2. Travel back to the days when you wanted to impress your significant other. After a period of time, it can become easy to throw your hair in a ponytail, wear sweats, skip a day between showers, etc. Try dressing up, trying your very hardest to look nice for your boyfriend/girlfriend. They will appreciate the effort.
3. Try new things together. Go on a date to somewhere you have never been before. Or do something thrilling. Go sky diving, visit an amusement park, take a weekend trip to a nearby city.
http://kmg7684.myweb.uga.edu/portfolio/
4. Be thoughtful. Surprise your partner with a tiny gift, such as flowers, a card, or something to show you appreciate them without splurging. Show up at their office with their favorite coffee or donut. 
5. Spend some time apart. If you are together as a couple every night, things can get routine and old, and being together so often can start to get under your skin. Try spending some time alone with your friends if you've waned away from them. Split up your time.
6. Get the blood flowing. Kick a soccer ball around, challenge each other to a tennis match, go for a jog. Keep it not-so-competitive. Get the juices flowing together, as a couple. Doing active things together will help warm up your relationship.

http://touchtresbien.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/soccer-field.jpg

College Hookups, Guest Blogger @jackielyons11

@JackieLyons11

One of my very best friends (and roommate), Alyssa, asked me to write a blog for her this week. She asked me to pick a topic that she couldn't really write anything about: Hook-ups (obviously, because she has been a relationship for over 2 years. Good for you Andrew!)

Although I don't really have too much insight on this, because I was in a 2 year relationship up until 9 months ago, I figured it is something I could say a little bit about since I became single. I know that there are many definitions of the word "hook up" in college, so I am going to define my version of "Hooking up" as kissing.

I'm not going to lie, being single can be really confusing at times, but it can also be fun. The key is to definitely not over do it (kiss every person you come across), and to have realistic expectations of people (don't get carried away and think you have something that you don't). Guys in college typically aren't looking for a long-term commitment, which is fine - you just have to be aware of that before you start anything with anyone and know what you, and the other person, actually want. Having only kissed 3 people in the past 9 months, I am not an expert. But some things I have picked up on from my experiences and experiences of my friends after kissing someone:

1. Don't be awkward when you see them again: Even if it was a random thing, you should still have a short conversation with them if you see them around, or at least say hi. It's only awkward if you make it that way! If you act like a total weirdo and dive into a bush when you see them, that just makes them feel uncomfortable. And campuses are small, you're bound to run in to them again.

2. Don't be annoying: Before you hook up with someone, you should know what you are expecting and what he is expecting. If you want a relationship, but he makes it clear he doesn't - don't be a psycho and text him or call him every day. If after you hook up, he turns out to like you - then chances are he will let you know it, or at least make an effort to hang out with you again. So if you're not sure - then don't kiss him in the first place! If there's one thing I know about guys, it's that most of them really hate girls who are clingy.

3. Don't do it right away, be selective. Really, no matter how much you want to - hooking up with random people all the time is NOT attractive and just makes you look bad. I am really glad that I choose to be this way. Trust me, you will feel a lot better in the morning if you don't just do it with random people at parties. So, think about things before you do them - you don't want to wind up regretting something. It's easier to think about it and then go out and do it than it is to do it and then take it back (which is not possible)

Good luck!

Long Distance Relationships: Helpful Links

Hi Everyone! Here are a couple articles I found really interesting that concern long distance relationships and how to maintain them. Hope you enjoy!

1. Health: How stuff works  Tips for making your long distance relationship work out

2. Wiki How  An actual wiki how to make a long distance relationship work. This is actually really interesting and an awesome take! I learned a lot from this one and would highly recommend it

3. iVillage 5 Secrets for Successful Long Distance Dating

4. Loves A Game Ten Rules For Making Long Distance Relationships Work

Lovely Bumper Stickers

Here are some bumper sticker type images I found on http://leloveimage.blogspot.com/, my favorite blog about love. Hope you enjoy!

Secrets to a Successful Marriage

My name is Laura Gutjahr.

I grew up believing that there was one special person out there and I just needed to find him.  Fate would ensure that our paths crossed at the right time.  We would live happily ever after.

Over time I realized that finding a partner had a lot more to do with personal choices than fate.  I had to figure out what my life goals were and find someone who shared similar goals and had similar values.  I also needed that person to be my friend.  This involved a lot more work than my original theory.

I've been happily married for 22 years and offer the following relationship advice:

Expect a lot from your partner - and give at least as much in return.

Always treat your partner as if he were your best friend, he should be.

Don't stop working on your relationship - if you do it will end.

Perks of Being Single, Perks of Being in a Relationship

The Perks of Being in a Relationship in College
1. Stability. Having a constant partner in your life
2. Don't have to worry about impressing the opposite sex
3. No pressure to worry about the antics of hookups and dating
4. Someone to share Valentine's Day with
5. A person to listen to you, to lean on
6. Presents

The Perks of Being Single in College
1. Your time is completely your own
2. No guilty feelings about flirting
3. More incentive to get slimmer, fitter, etc.
4. Freedom to experiment with many people
5. Not having to answer to anyone
6. Nobody to argue with, no jealous feelings

What Do Love & Romance Look Like?

Personally, I don't feel that we could ever describe love using one picture. However, I do think it is interesting the things you find when you Google Image search "Love". The pictures are inspiring, gentle, sensitive, and sometimes beautiful. I've included a bunch of pictures I found online that attempt to capture love and romance at their finer moments. The awesome sources I found these pictures at are listed directly below the image. 

http://callitaweasel.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/sailor-kiss1.jpg

http://absolutelybeautifulthings.blogspot.com/

http://www.people.com/people/gallery/0,,20004997_20002095,00.html

http://leloveimage.blogspot.com/  

http://keturahweathers.theworldrace.org/?filename=og-love

Feature: Short Story, Finding the Right Love for your Life

For this entry I wrote a shortened version of a longer story I wrote about finding love in your life. Let me know what you think!

I am convinced that Derek and I were meant to be long before I figured it out. I am not sure how he knew, but from the second he spotted me he made it clear that he would make me his. After nights of back-to-school shopping and lots of telephone conversations, he stated with an almost comical authority that soon we would be dating.

My boyfriend at the time was nice. His name is Cody, the same name as the surfer on my favorite TV show. When I met him I was overwhelmed with his impressive collection of honors and awards. Best looking in his class, homecoming king, captain of the football team. I liked the idea of him so much that I did everything in my power to make us click.

Derek, on the other hand, was completely unreachable. Two years older, attended college in Virginia, seven hours away. His award to show was class procrastinator. He was the class clown in high school; played forward for the soccer team but more often skipped out. I disliked the idea of him, but I couldn’t help but realize that we clicked.

I was left with the decision between star athlete and class procrastinator. But there was something about Derek that I couldn’t help but be excited about. The way he looked at me when he was unlocking the door, getting out of my car on a hot summer day. The cowlick on the right side of his hairline. And there was something bigger- a deeper connection that I, to this day, cannot put my finger on.

“Alyssa I forgot my CD in your car, can you come drop it off?”

I rolled my eyes, not surprised by his spontaneous phone call. I pondered his question for a few minutes. I was leaving for tennis camp the next morning and wasn’t sure I had time. But it would only take two minutes. And I otherwise wouldn’t get the chance to see him before I left. As I pulled in the driveway, I saw Derek waiting on the front step. I stepped out of the car, his CD in hand. He walked over, took the CD, and tossed it right into the garbage pail.

“What did you do that for?!” I said in exasperation, staring at the garbage in disbelief as I heard the CD clunk against each side.

“I knew it was the only way I’d be able to get you here,” he said, laughing. “Let’s go talk.”

  I wish I could write a story that includes every moment: not only the ones of confusion, stress, tears over my decision, the many tactics I used to stall and search for an easy way out, but also the moments of pure innocent happiness and untouchable love that came from the action of risking it all.

When I decided to break things off with Cody, it had been two months. The only thing I can say I walked away with was the fan he gave me as a one-month anniversary gift. It stands at the foot of my bed today. I knocked on his newly painted white door amidst the quiet, desolate cul-de-sac. The look on his face was unreadable. He led me up the familiar steps to his bedroom. The only part of his house I had come to know. I sat down on the comfortable bed that I considered staying with him for. It’s really the little things. I looked at the ceiling and told him in the most confusing, muddled way possible that I liked Derek. I didn’t dare glance up at his reaction until several minutes of silence had passed. Once I gathered the courage to look into his eyes, they were clouded. I had never made a boy cry before. That I knew of. He opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it. I was not sure if I wanted to know.

“I love you,” he mumbled. He was looking straight into my eyes, waiting for my response. And I lied.

“You too,” I said, staring intently at the ceiling. And in that moment I wanted more than anything to make him happy again. For him to stop crying, for him to grab my cheeks again and tickle me until I was begging for mercy, tangled in the comforter.  I did not think about my own happiness, about the decision I had decided to make and then abruptly taken back. I thought about glossing over the problem, putting it off for a later point in time. I frantically called to mind the qualities I liked in him. His homecoming king trophy. His picture in the yearbook.

And I caved. For another month I dealt with his qualities that I hated. I dealt with being called sweetie every 10 seconds of my life. I dealt with his annoying habit of eating with his mouth open and chasing his “kitty” around the house. I lied often, mostly to myself.

But I was upset. More upset than rational for a girl with a boyfriend who was captain of the football team. I fret over my current situation until I realized that Cody and I were finished. The day that I had attempted to break up with him, he had asked me to do him one favor. Only stay in it if I was willing to give 100 percent. So I broke it off for good. I have not regretted it since.

Because of that decision, instead of gritting my teeth each time Cody asked me to pet kitty with him, fake smiling through moments that he considered exceptional, lying to make him believe that I felt the exact same way as he did, I spend my time with Derek.

I spend my time baking rocky road shortbread cookies with him. Even though every batch comes out horrible in its own way, we dance around the kitchen to Christmas music because it is November and we are too in love to care. We try to watch movies but become too distracted by each other to watch more than half. I spend my time playing DDR with his sister while he makes fun of me and pinches my leg from the couch. We lie in bed and laugh about something no one else would ever laugh about until my stomach hurts and he is too tired to pick his head up. He makes me a plate of the best junk food that is the most calories and spends 20 minutes arranging them in a pretty order. If only the paper plate were prettier. If only anything on the plate could compare to him in the smallest way.

He sits and watches me taste test every item and interviews me about my feelings toward each. He pays attention to my every detail until he cannot take it but to tickle me till my empty plate falls to the dorm floor.  

I figured out that in my life, that is what love is. The product of listening to my heart instead of my mind. Admittedly, he’s not perfect. Sometimes he stumbles and sometimes he forgets. He takes jokes too far and winds up apologizing. But he makes me happy. Love is what came of risking perfection to experience perfect happiness. 

College Co-Ed Friendships & "Hook-up" Culture

There is a lack of a dating scene on Lehigh’s campus, and among college students it seems that there are fewer relationships than there are random dates and hookups. An article in the Brown and White refers to this as the “hookup culture.” 

I realized early on in my freshman year that it can be difficult to have a boyfriend on a college campus, where meeting guys at parties usually does not result in friendship and guys do not seem to care about your relationship status. It can be really hard to maintain guy friends when guys seem to only care about being more than friends. It can also be difficult when guys do not even want to talk to you because they know you are in a relationship.

When meeting a guy at a party, they really only seem to have one thing in mind. Friendships that cross the sex barrier do not seem to bloom from parties. However, can you blame them?  I have found that meeting guys through group projects, class work, or in your living quarters can actually result in a good friendship. There is hope that girls and guys can have friendships in college, I am definitely not trying to discount that.

For single girls, it seems really easy to find someone to hook up with on campus. I have seen that a lot of people are willing to have random hookups, and although the extent of these hookups may vary, they occur all the time.

Is there a reason for this? Is it because college students are not interested in commitment at this stage in their lives? Is it because they’re not meeting the right people? 

I found a really awesome article about the hookup culture on CNN's site. It talks about the negatives of hooking up, no strings attached, and the empty feeling that students may feel afterward. Apparently, there is a lack of satisfaction after a hookup that the article explains really well. 

Please comment if you have any insight on this article!

Long Distance Relationships: Interview

http://bit.ly/9vAQBi

For today's blog, I interviewed Angelica Halat, twitter name AngelicaLehigh, about her experience in a two year, long distance relationship. Her boyfriend attends school 300 miles away from Lehigh.







How often do you see your boyfriend?
Probably once a month

How do you feel during the time in between seeing him?
I get really jealous when I see other couples around campus, but we text all day and we talk on the phone a lot, so it helps the days past more quickly.

Has the distance led to any problems in your relationship?
Problems have happened once or twice just because we are so far away, so it can be difficult to discuss any issues we may be having. Some issues are stemmed from frustrations over us not being together.

What is the hardest part about being in a long distance relationship?
Just that I can't see him during a regular day. I can't just get lunch with him during the day like other girls can.

What are some ways you deal with this?
We have video chat dates, long phone calls, texting.

Does distance make the time you spend with him more special?
Now I appreciate the time I have with him, and do not nitpick over little things.

Advice for any couples in a long distance relationship?
Don't let the distance discourage you. Pick your battles and communicate.

Sports and Dating, According to Him.

My name is Andrew Baran, twitter name abaran19, and I will be writing this post as a guest today. I am currently in a two year relationship, and I am writing to you today about the role of sports in a relationship.

Look, a lot of dudes like sports. Period. No if ands or buts about it. And for the most part, your girlfriend may not be most willing to spend 8 hours tailgating in the frigid cold prior to a Buffalo Bills game. But that doesn't mean that one should shun their girlfriend away from their world of sports. Here are a few tips as to how you can get your girlfriend to enter this world.

1. Games on TV can be boring as all hell, but there is nothing like being at a game. Sports like hockey, basketball and football are fast-paced and always keep your eyes on the game. There are hits, fights, dunks, touchdowns and screaming fans. Bring your girlfriend to a game, show her what makes you that crazy fan that you are. Teach her the chants, players names and rules if she isn't familiar with them.

2. Try to purchase her a shirt or hat just to remind her of who she is following. This will give her a sense of  belonging and might even get her interested in keeping up with the team throughout the duration of the season, not just when you attend or watch games.

3. Some people don't understand what it takes to become a professional in a particular sport. Why not introduce the game to your girlfriend. Throw that pigskin a few yards, lace up some skates and knock the puck around. If you're feeling good, shoot some hoops. Not only is this a good way to show her how hard it is to do things that professionals make look so easy; it will intrigue her and keep her curious as to what other highlights the pros can produce.

So, there is no need to separate sports from your relationship. Whether it causes fights, arguments or misunderstandings, when you both are fascinated by the play at hand, it's all about love of the game.

Long Distance Relationships

This topic is especially close to my heart, since I have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years now. My boyfriend and I see each other about once a month, but we definitely make do and work out any issues as soon as they happen. Here are a few tips for staying in love, even when your relationship spans hundreds or thousands of miles.

1. Make time for each other. Make sure you schedule communication. In the beginning, it is hard to know when the other person will be free, when you will be free, etc. Let your partner know whenever you have time to talk, and see if they have time to talk then too. Once your relationship grows and gets used to the distance, talking to each other at certain times will become routine. Don't rely on texting for all communication. Make sure to talk on the phone or video chat whenever possible.

2. Don't suffocate each other through technology. Even though you may miss your partner, don't forget you have to live your life in the place you are physically at as well. Make sure not to forget about the world around you, becoming so wrapped up in video chat conversations and phone calls. It's all about creating a balance. Living your life, and giving your partner attention at the same time.

3. Problems can really fester when you're apart. Make sure to maintain open communication. Do not hold anger or frustration toward your partner inside. Air any concerns you are having, and let your partner know what you're thinking so you two are on the same page.

4. Don't get frustrated with your partner because you miss him/her. It is surprisingly a very easy thing to do. You're upset that you miss one another, and you started getting mad at each other or picking fights to get each other's attention. Think about what you are doing, and the reasons why you are upset.

5. Be trusting. It is easy to get jealous if your partner begins talking about other people, going places with new friends, hanging out with the opposite sex, etc. Have trust. Your partner feels the same way about the people you have been talking about. Just try to put things into perspective. Don't restrict your partner. Think about your partner's intentions and your own intentions. Be confident enough in your relationship to trust each other.

6. Plan visits. If possible, plan visits when you can see each other. This will give you both something to look forward to together, and will make it a lot easier to get through the days without each other.

Arguing Differently, How it Applies to Relationships

For this post, I will talk a little bit more about my previous post concerning Arguing Differently. If you'd like to find out a little more about this class and what I learned in it, here is a link to something my professor, Barry Kroll, wrote about the class and the ideas he presented in the class.

One of the most interesting stories told in the class, in my opinion, was one concerning an orange. Two children are fighting over an orange. Both children want the orange, but there is only one. The children do not listen to each other or try to talk to each other about why they want the orange. The mother comes in, takes the orange, and cuts it in half. She gives half to one child and the other half to the other child. Little did any of them know that one child wanted the peel from the orange, and the other wanted the juice. Both children could have gotten what they wanted if they had only listened to one another, and found out the reasoning behind each other's desires.

When in a relationship, it is really important to understand why your partner is upset, and what their motivation is. When you are arguing about something, find out why the other person is holding the point of view he/she has. If you take the time to listen to your partner, you can avoid fights or solve them by truly understanding each other.

A song that came to mind when writing this post is We Can Work it Out, by The Beatles

Bethlehem Valentine's Day Spots

   There is a wide range of local restaurants having Valentine’s Day specials this year. Some of the more expensive options for couples are 1741 on the Terrace (a part of Hotel Bethlehem), The Melting Pot and Starfish Brasserie.

            1741 on the Terrace has a special preset menu available from Feb. 11 until Feb. 14. Lou Czechowski will be playing piano, creating a romantic atmosphere for guests. It will be $55 per person for dinner. Guests can choose from the preset menu or reduced a la carte. However, according to Cody VanSumeren, administrative assistant at 1741 on the Terrace, the restaurant caters to a middle age crowd.

            This year the Melting Pot is having a special dinner on Valentine’s Day only. They are accepting reservations from now until Feb. 13, but according to employee Alene Kuhns the restaurant has already taken a lot of reservations for their special dinner. Their dinner is a four-course feature, set at $140 per couple with a new $130 double date option.

Although this meal is on the expensive side, the restaurant stresses that they take extra measures to ensure your dinner makes for a “fairy-tale” evening.

            Starfish Brasserie is also offering a four-course meal for couples on Valentine’s Day, and they are taking reservations now. A dinner for two is set at $90.

            If you are looking for a less expensive but still nice and enjoyable option, Blue Sky Cafe, Apollo Grill and The Bookstore Speakeasy are having special Valentine’s dinners as well.

            Blue Sky Cafe is doing a reservation-only dinner event on Feb. 14. The restaurant will be having a four-course dinner, and it is a bring-your-own alcohol restaurant. Guests should expect to be at the restaurant for an hour and a half to eat this special dinner, which last year hosted an audience of about half Lehigh students and half middle age crowd.

“We go all out for Valentine’s dinner. We have fun cooking it,” said employee Tabitha Petrecz. “It’s a great atmosphere and we try to make it as romantic as possible.” Their Valentine’s menu is on their Facebook page. The meal will be set at $35 per person, and they will be taking reservations until Feb. 13 for their 5-8:30 p.m. time slot.

Apollo Grill is not offering any specials, just their regular full menu. However, they are offering the Sweetheartini drink they offer every year for Valentine’s Day only.  Although they are closed Sunday and Monday, they are taking reservations from the Valentine’s Day crowd for Friday and Saturday.

“We get an eclectic group of people. It’s pretty cool. We see a lot of Lehigh students throughout the year, and we definitely get couples that come in for Valentine’s Day,” said Apollo employee Rachel Griffith.

For any couple looking for a more unique Valentine’s Day experience, the Bookstore Speakeasy in South Bethlehem is having a four-course cocktail meal pairing. The lead singer of their house band will be performing solo and playing the piano. According to owner Conor Sheridan McAndrew, the restaurant gets an eclectic group of people coming to their special events. Call within the next few days to make reservations. 

Best Valentine's Day Gifts for your partner

Best Valentine's Day Gifts


For Women:
Jewelry
Build-a-bear (if you haven't already gotten her one)
Make her a scrapbook (if your relationship is far enough along)
Dinner date (something thoughtful that your date will enjoy)
Chocolates (custom M&Ms, make your own with an "I love you" saying on them, ordered through the website. But make sure to do this now!!!)
Flowers

For Men:
Tickets
Sports apparel
Electronics (iPad, iPod touch, new phone, GPS)
Wallet
Hat
Cologne
A watch

Argue Differently with your partner

Do you find that you and your significant other are arguing a lot?

My first semester freshman year, I took a class called Arguing Differently. The class changed my perspective on arguing. I have gotten in fewer arguments and helped others get out of disagreements because of the insights I gained in this class.

Here are some main take-away points I learned throughout the course that apply to disagreements and problems in relationships:

1. When you are first irritated about something, ask yourself why you are irritated. What is bothering you about what your significant other did/said/didn’t do/didn’t say? Narrow down why you are upset so that you can communicate this to your partner. If you tell your partner that something is bothering you and act mad at him/her, if they don’t understand why their action upset you they may not be willing to steer clear of doing that in the future.

2. Communication, Communication, Communication. If you are upset that your partner has not answered your text message in ten hours, and then they casually text you as if nothing happened, do not attack. If you, in turn, don’t answer them for ten hours back, what do you get out of this? No communication, and your partner may not even know why. Your relationship is not a game. Giving them a taste of their own medicine can really backfire. Instead, ask the person why he/she didn’t answer you. What were they doing that they couldn’t talk, or didn’t want to talk? Tell them that it upset you, and you wished they would just tell you next time beforehand that they’re bogged down with work, etc. so you’re not left to wonder. This goes for any situation. Do not assume.

3. Listen actively. Listening to your partner in an argument is extremely important. If both people are not listening to each other and only waiting for a moment to yell their own side, then both people are getting absolutely nothing across to each other, and the argument just will not end. If you are not taking the time to listen to the other person, most likely they are not taking the time to listen to you. Listening is an active process. While listening, try to understand where your partner is coming from. If both of you listen actively during an argument, a compromise will much more easily be reached and peace will finally ensue.

4. Clear the air of potential misunderstandings prior to an argument. So many needless fights happen due to misunderstandings. Especially with technology today, it is easy to misread a text. Be sure to first make sure you’re understanding a situation before immediately jumping to conclusions and getting upset with your partner.

5. Do not let things fester. Air your frustrations, but at the same time pick your fights. If you are constantly getting in arguments over little things, start to pick your fights. Do not tell your partner every single thing he/she has done wrong. Let the little things go, they are not worth the fight. However, if there is something your partner does that really upsets you, do not hold your frustrations inside. They will only end up getting to you and building up until there is an outburst and it turns into a bigger deal than it should be.

My main point is that in a relationship in arguments, both partners want to win. I want my boyfriend to see that I am right. But at the end of the argument, what does the winner actually win? An upset boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse? An ego-booster? Is it worth the argument? In a relationship, if someone “wins” both people lose. The relationship loses.  

Dating Websites

My uncle and I were talking about dating websites such as match.com at Christmas last year. My uncle is in his 30’s and newly single, and his love life has not been the center of his concerns. He is starting a career in Real Estate, and in today’s economy it is extremely difficult for him and has proved insanely time-consuming. Many of his friends are married, and not going to bars looking to find women anymore. He has been unsure of where to find someone and has decided to try using an Internet dating site such as match.com in hopes to find a spark with someone.

You may be surprised to know that 1 in 5 relationships start online, according to match.com. Dating websites are a world of their own. There are articles written about what type of profile picture on a dating website attracts the most men/women, etc. Dating websites have become a huge part of dating today, especially with the mid 30’s crowd.

You may be interested also to hear that one of my family friends got divorced. Once her two children got older, she became lonely and decided to make a profile on match.com. Two years and many dates later she married a man who sent her a message on match.com about going out for a date. You never know what can happen.

If you think about it, these sites should save people time. Instead of weeding out people who won’t click with you over a span of dates and experiences, a dating website can attempt to take someone not compatible with you out of the picture for you. Plus, every person on these websites is looking for someone- they all have that in common. 

My Top Three Cosmo Dating Articles of the Season

1. This article will tell you why relationships can “ice over” in the winter, and what you can do to avoid your relationship deteriorating in the months it can be hardest to make it through. Winter is the hardest season for relationships- find out why.

2. This article should help you get over an ex. It can be really hard nowadays dealing with the obstacle of technology after a break up. It is hard to know what to do with technology and how to act through your computer screen and on social networking sites.

3. This article will tell you about love habits that will make your relationship stronger, specifically that if you give your boyfriend/girlfriend encouragement after his/her accomplishments, your relationship will be stronger. 

Happy reading!

Role of Technology in Relationships

Role of Technology in Relationships- 21^st century

Today it is hard to define the role technology should play in a relationship. There are lawsuits over a spouse looking through his/her partner’s emails, Facebook messages, text messages, etc. There are so many new and different ways to break your partner’s trust.  When it comes down to it, your partner may invade your technology-privacy because they don’t trust you, but it may just be because they are curious.

Here are some tips for managing technology in a relationship.

1.     Try not to keep it a world of your own. Share. Technological devices can make you feel like you’re in a different world. You can get so caught up in them, it’s easy to forget what’s going on around you. If your partner sees you on Facebook all the time, or using twitter constantly, or texting away, they may just be curious as to what is going on in your own private world. I can definitely understand that you may want to have a place separate from your partner, but that does not mean you should keep everything about it from them. Share some information and let them into it a little bit so they don’t feel left out. Show them you’re site if they can’t see it. That doesn’t necessarily mean you should give them your password if you’re not comfortable with that though.

2.     Don’t make your partner feel like you have something to hide. Your partner will feel like you’re keeping something from him/her, and try to snoop on you. This will in turn break the trust you have established. For example, if your partner picks up your phone to give it to you, don’t freak out for them to put it down, and don’t be nervous that they’re touching you’re stuff. It’s not a bad thing to leave your site open every once in a while, and let your partner come across it.

3.     Don’t have your phone out all the time; don’t hide behind the computer screen. When with your date or partner, put your phone to the side. Be old-fashioned and forget you have all this technology for awhile. Although cell phones, IM, vidchat, etc, can enhance a relationship by providing constant contact, it can be detrimental when you’re together and still using the technology to contact other people. Put your phone to the side, shut the computer screen, and pay attention to your date! They will feel ignored and neglected, and may take our his/her phone in response. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

4.     Face-to-face is the best way to solve problems and have important conversations. In my opinion, fights should happen in person as much as they can. It is easy to say something you don’t mean or go over the top on the computer or through texting. A lot also gets lost in the translation in technology. Things are taken the wrong way, and misunderstandings cause arguments. If there is a misunderstanding, call your partner to clear the air! If possible, go see them! It will turn into a lot more of a personal interaction. Same goes for important conversations that can define a relationship. Wait until you can see your partner in person. The extra effort will go a long way.

5.     Don’t snoop through your partner’s stuff. Be respectful of your partner’s privacy. If you want to look through his phone because you are curious about who he is talking to, just ask him kindly who he’s talking to. Snooping will only get you in trouble and trust issues will arrive. If you really don’t plan on doing anything wrong, then just talk to your partner about it instead of taking things into your own hands. There is no reason to look into your partner’s business instead of just asking them. Honesty is key. If you feel that they are cheating on you via texts/facebook/etc, speak with them honestly and openly about it. Don’t make accusations- just talk to them about how he/she is making you feel.

The main key to handling technology is open, honest communication. The role of technology will be different in every relationship. As long as your partner does not feel left out /skeptical in relation to your technological ventures or ignored by your use of technology, technology will not affect your relationship in a bad way.
Good luck!